Men's and women's criteria for choosing mates.

Are you beautiful? Are you rich ? Do you have what it takes to get a partner? What are the criteria for choosing a mate.

We all know that men are attracted to beauty in women and they can fall in love at first sight . The moment they set their eyes on a beautiful woman they will fall in love with her even if he does not know her .

This kind of love is only skin deep and shallow. The moment she disappears from his sight, he will forget about her unless she is very striking and impressive. It will then be etched deeply in his mind.

Women need to pay attention to their physical attractiveness if they want to keep their mates from straying.Men have roving eyes and it is impossible to stop them from ogling at other pretty women.

It may not be love but probably lust in their eyes. This is the most important and the first criteria in selecting a woman. No men want to to sleep with an ugly woman unless he is blind ,dumb or ugly . Real love is colour blind and blind to all her /his faults.

Physical attractiveness is the highest on their list.They may like a woman for her face,eyes, boobs, legs, butts or any parts of her body. The other qualities are not very important but it will be a bonus if she has, compatibility ,intelligence, sociability, common background

Some men do not fall in love on fist look but on second look when the girls showed their inner beauties and charms. Those without the 'looks' but the inner beauty will get their men.

Physical attractiveness of a man is not very important to a woman. In fact it can be a disadvantage as those men are more tempted to stray.They are not husband materials but more of a plaything. It is not about looks but manners.

Women look for the socioeconomic status of the men , having a stable job and able to provide her with financial and emotional support. Their earning powers,social status and job prestige rates highly on her priority list.




Reference and thanks to :-

http://books.google.com/books?id=BfmuYfz57-8C&pg=PA98&lpg=PA98&dq=Men+do+not+marry+women+like+these&source=bl&ots=rS-ta1N0cd&sig=UQe8OK1B3A6u3Pq77aHupU7LhMg&hl=en&ei=L9wnSvTUC8yAkQXR3fjoDQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=2#PPA105,M1

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Forbidden feelings - To love somebody .

Those words and feelings are stuck at your throat or inside your heart. You do not know if it is better to swallow it back or to throw them out. It is a big  dilemma.

You have a crush on your friend and it is crushing you and each day the weight becomes more and more unbearable. You cannot eat and sleep well and it affects your peace and tranquility.

To love somebody in secret or from a far distance can be  painful and pathetic.

What can you do?

It can be shameful, heartbreaking  and sad  when our love is not accepted. We could feel contemptible and ridiculed for having those thoughts. Perhaps even being scorned for secretly admiring and loving someone who do not even know that we existed.

You have a crush on a friend and not telling him/her can build up tremendous pressures inside of you . Your head is spinning and your heart is swirling to the whirlpool that has been created. On and on , it spins faster and faster and there seems no way you can get out from those strong swirling currents .

To tell and risk rejections and end of your dreams or keep those sweet feelings under wrap tightly and shut?

The story may end with a ' happily ever after 'or  could send you to a place where hell freezes over.

The moment may have arrived for you to declare your feelings to him/her and if you did not ,the  opportunity may not strike again . S/he could be gone from your world as you dither and only toyed with that idea in your mind. The fear of rejection is too strong and it paralyzed your thoughts.

You will need to learn to overcome those fears of rejections and boldly tell him/her what is in your heart. You will need to find an answer to your question quickly rather than let yourself   be stuck in a timeless black hole in space.

It would be better to know if there is a realistic chance of you getting together with him/her or not and if it is then you can either move on with your life or start to build your life together.

The journey of a 1000 miles begin with the first step. If you cannot take the first step, then you might as well forget about her/him.

Think with your head and not your heart. If  she/he rejects you , treat it like water off a duck's back.After a few rejections , your hide will get thicker and you will one day succeed by finding the right one for you.

All men have faced rejections one way or the other and it is a part of life.You need to take your chances. If you have never tried, how would you know the results?



Related topic :-


http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/mysun/2449120/Got-a-secret-crush-on-a-pal.html

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Make love with the lights on ?

Woman's body comes in all shapes and sizes.Most men do not often get to see a real nude woman's body unless they are married or they party often and sleep around.

Most of the men do view naked woman from porn's online,DVD's or from sex magazines.

It is not the same thing because those women are not the average kind of woman.Their bodies are erotically engineered to appeal to the fantasies of men.

Women grow up with lots of inhibitions about their sexualities and their bodies.

It is not easy to dismantle all those mental roadblocks and only time will make her shed all those inhibitions .

Most women are harsh critics of their own bodies and even if they have a near perfect figure, they will still feel inadequate and inferior with some parts of her body.

They should know that everyone is unique and different and need to learn to appreciate and love and be proud of their own body.

They may not have a super model body and there is nothing to be ashamed off. How many men have the body like David Beckham?

Women should learn to flaunt their beautiful bodies. Make love not in complete darkness but in dim lights or better still with the lights on. He needs to see the whole you and satisfy his inner cravings .

Men have eyes but they do not have those critical and hawkish eyes like women who can see every flaws in another woman.

Though they have eyes, yet they see not and any man who criticizes her physical imperfections speaks not from true love.

True love is blind and whether her body is thin or fat , he will love her just the same.

If you are not happy with your body , go to the gym or exercise regularly which will tone up your body , reduce your size and increase your confidence and self esteem. You will look good, feel good , more healthy and your sex life would be sizzling hot!


Reference and thanks to :-

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1165716/Rowan-Pellings-sex-advice-column-I-wont-make-love-light-on.html?ITO=1490

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I'm not ready for a relationship?

You probably would have heard this once too many times or their equivalent of that they want to be alone when they want to leave you .

It is an often used excuse to tell you that they are no more into you  and are opting out. They do not see any future with you and by saying those words, they hoped to cushioned the impact of their leaving you in the dumps. Those are just sugar coated words to minimize the hurt and make you feel better .

It is better this way than to be blunt and telling you directly into your face that they do not like you anymore or some words to that effect. Many men cannot bring themselves to tell you the truth as they do not want to hurt you .They started it and they want to end it . You were like a ball to enjoy and to throw away when he has lost interest in you.

They do not really mean what they say as they will soon  be seen in the arms of another girl. Do not be surprised or baffled because they say one thing but do another.

If you hear those words from the men, it means that you are not his kind of girl and he wants to be a friend only and nothing more.This is the way men talk.

Every relationship starts off like a good fairy tale . They fall in love and when the magic dust disappears, they see each others faults . They have reached the watershed in their relationship and have to decide to continue on the same road or to go different ways.

There could be many reasons why the men want to break off the relationship.It could be boredom or that he found something about you which he does not like or he found somebody better or simply , he is the non committal type.

Whatever the case, they have come to a dead end or a mental road block and must part. The end of a short and sweet love, for parting is such sweet sorrow or tears of joys.

He is not destined for you and that's it. Get over it and move on with your life.

Reference and thanks to :-

http://ezinearticles.com/?Why-Men-Say-One-Thing-and-Do-Another&id=1436787

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Is Marriage A Sham For Men ?

"Fools enter where angels fear to thread ! " When you are on the outside, you want to get in and when you are on the inside , you want to get out. This is the paradox of marriage.

Who invented the institution of marriage?

Some say it is God while others think it is women.

I do not know but judging from the way women benefits from it all , you would know that answer.

The smart , successful and 30 something women want to marry but when she finds the man , he is disinterested in marrying. Almost on the threshold but yet seem so far  and elusive.

What is there in marriage for the modern men when they have sex, live together like a couple and probably have kids too? They are in a marriage situation short of the legal paper work.

The men can have the cake and eat it. Who can blame them for not wanting to get married when women throw caution to the wind.

This is a disinclination for them to marry and they are enjoying it minus the legal implications when they want to go their separate ways.

Some of the men fear marriage because when they divorce, she would take 50% of his money , the kids, the home  and everything. The percentage of divorce rate is so high these days and even before they want to marry, they are thinking of what they will do if they divorce.

Married guys are often seen to be working off their asses paying for bills and bills and spending less time with the family nor have any sex life. Sometimes, they don't even get along with their kids which added to their problems.

If you married the wonderful and good wife , it is your good luck. Many others have married the angel who later morphed into a deceitful, treacherous , sly , manipulative and controlling hag.  Marriage is about power, money and sex and it is inevitable when they are two totally and completely  different  beings.

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. Some men will not know about real happiness until they got married and by then it was too late.

Marriage is not a word; it is a long sentence for the men.


For further readings; -


http://www.nomarriage.com/why_men_should_not_marry.html

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080905164111AAIFxbJ

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How To Get The Man Of Your Dreams And Keep Him.

In his new book, "Treat Them Mean And Keep Them Keen", Gerry Stergiopoulos has fine tuned the art of seducing a man. He is a gay .

Any tips about getting the right man is always welcome and it is interesting to know what he has written. Knowing where the fault lies is very important.



Why are you still single and unattached?

Is it your fault or blame it on the men or circumstances or destiny ? One cannot absolve  oneself and put all the blame on others because you create your own happiness and is the captain of your own ship.

External forces may influence you but if you do not want to go where you do not like, no one can force you . If your girlfriend tells you that it is not your fault , you should not believe it. It maybe a comforting thought and soothe your soul but in reality , you need to look deeper and examine  your inner self.

It is not that you do not have opportunities coming along your way , but you did not take advantage of them. Opportunities may not be aplenty and there could only be a few in your life time.

Men are just simple creatures and if you cannot ' tame or domesticate' them, then you do not have a chance of having a relationship which could lead to marriage with them.

They have not changed in their style since the prehistoric dinosaur age. They have the primitive hunter instincts even though they wear a smart suit these days. You will need to understand their behaviours and use the right tactics to entrap them.

The title of his book ,"Treat them mean.." can give a wrong perceptions as no one in the right frame of mind would want to treat their b/f in a very mean way . It would force their b/f to run away or look for another.

I hope after reading his  extracts from his book, you would have a better insight into how a man ticks and take the appropriate actions . No two men are the same and you will need to modify and adept it  according to your b/f's personality.


Reference and thanks to :-

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1063752/Treat-mean--Big-pants-sex-months-One-mans-fail-safe-tips-winning-man-dreams.html

Pix courtesy;-

http://th516.photobucket.com/albums/u328/ashcat3/men%20images/th_d5549b561.jpg

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Are You A Green Eye Monster ?

In every woman , there lurks a scary green eye monster or monsters or some evil Gremlins in some nooks and corners of her heart. Sometimes , she is able to control those monsters but at other times , the monster is able to evade her controls and manifest itself and take over her driver's seat.

Jealousy is possessive love. She wants him all to herself and is prepared to go the length to cut him off from his world. You really cannot understand why a woman would act and behave that way .

Women have a smaller heart and they are more constricted .They seldom act in a big hearted way. The men are expected to understand that jealousy is sometimes good and not always bad.

        Maya Angelou

~ Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening. ~

Such a woman is usually insecure, have a low self esteem and confidence  .She will constantly imagine her man up to no good and every incident will reinforced her opinions of him. Her constant worries will eat her insides and may turned her into a neurotic wife.

There are many incidents which are normal to a man but  abnormal to a woman. Once married, the men should not look, ogle, flirt , think, chat, SMS, e-mail or hook up with any girls through whatever medium of communications . It is an impossible mission because there are millions of working woman out there.

 Any of those actions will allow the green eye monster to rear it's ugly head. He should not watch porn or masturbate and if he wants to masturbate, he will have to think of her alone only and not another woman.She even wants to control his thoughts and what he can think .

The woman instead of being jealous, should learn to built trust and confidence and not to take many things personally. She should remain objective and separate issues  which are not related to her personally.She has to think like a man sometimes.and do understand that the men do not think like her .

She would need to have faith and believe in her man and being honest with each other.The man chose her and married her and she should not question his love nor show her insecurity .

If she does not control the monster, it will grow into a colony of monsters and her marriage will be poisoned and die .




Reference and thanks to :-

http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/tp/Overcome-Jealousy.htm

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Do Men Enjoy Being Pursued ?

"All is fair in love and war! " In this present age, it does not matter who is chasing who as long as they can build up a relationship leading to the alter.

Women are seeking equality and in this present world , those who wait and bait their man will lose in their quest to those who venture out of their shells and meet those men head on.

If you wait for the men to come into your parlour, you may wait till eternity and not find any intrepid men or those men who dare to venture into your cave are not those men that you dream off.

You imposed your own boundaries and boxed yourself into a tight corner. Why not spread out your hunting grounds and meet more men in the greater world.

Women employ more sophisticated and subtle techniques than men and those men would not know what hit them till  it is too late.

Those who believed in the grandmother's tales that girls should not chase the men as it would be cheap or demeaning is no longer applicable today .You do whatever it takes to land the catch but make sure that he is a good catch or that your efforts would be only a waste of time and you are not being taken advantage off.

Most men would welcome your special attentions on them  and they would feel delighted and their ego's boosted. However , this is not always the case as it has to depend on whether she has some attributes which he likes about her. If he does not like her, then it would be definitely be unenjoyable to be chased by her. It could be a case of stalking and it becomes a turn off.

Generally ,it is not easy for a men to woo a girl . There are many walls of resistance from her  to tear down . If she opens all those doors and allow him to enter, he would gladly accept the offer.

It is easy for a woman to chase after a man and it is like going through a Japanese paper wall.While a man chasing a woman is like climbing Mt. Everest. There are so many obstacles and booby traps along the mountain trail.

You cannot please or satisfy all those guys  . Whatever you do ,you will be judged unfairly by their standards and you will always come up short.  You cannot be too hard or too easy , too slow or too fast.

They do enjoy the attentions and being pursued will boost their ego's and if they like you , you will receive favourable response but if they don't like you , you would be branded a cheap and a tramp.

If there is love, then everything is sweet and spicy but if there is no love, the mouth and the heart can be as most fouled as the dirtiest gutter on Earth.

If you can click well after the first impressions, then the game is on...When love is in the air, nothing matters as long as you can be together . Someone has to be an initiator to start the ball rolling..

It only takes a spark to start a fire and it can burn like a runaway wild bush fire.....





Related topics:-

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts5470417.aspx

http://www.everywomansblog.com/does-a-woman-who-does-the-chasing-appeal-more-or-less-to-men

Pix- Courtesy ;-
http://media.photobucket.com/image/love/Tietiet/Love.gif?o=5

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I'm Single But Not Desperate Because...

THEY are young ,in their twenties ,attractive, well-educated, have good careers and are financially independent. They have lots of capital and can afford to choose the best of the best .

They expect only the best and have set a very high criteria for their Mr. Right. The reason why they are still single is because no men are able to matched their criterion's. They keep looking for the perfect man and expect perfections like they think they are angels .I wish them all the luck.

Some of them maybe lucky to find their right man while others will become wall flowers which adorn the walls or on those shelves and gather cobwebs on them.

As they get older, they will become more desperate and their high level bar will come down lower and lower. They prefer men around their ages but they lacked the experience and social grace . While those men who have those qualities are too old for them. One has youth and the other experience. Never the twine shall meet.

What do they expect from the men?

He has to be intellectual, knowledgeable and a good conversationalist and a perfect gentleman .Being a good conversationalist means he must be a good listener and knows what to say the right things at the right time to her.

This comes with experience and through trials and errors because not all girls think alike.What is meat to one ,maybe poison to another.
The men should not be too possessive and control her thoughts or asked her to account for what she does when she is not with him. This will indicate his lack of trust, confidence and insecurity in the relationship. It is a big turn off.

In the early stages of romance, it will not be tolerated by the females. The men must be on their best behaviors at all time and pander to their whims and fancies. She expects him to act that way even after the marriage. She demands to be treated like a queen in the early stages of the chase.

She wants to have a relationship and at the same time be independent ,wanting the best of both worlds . She can be traditional  or the modern, liberated and emancipated women when it suits her . She expects the men to lead and yet at the same time wants him to be in tow behind her. That is the paradox of life and being with woman.

Most men must learn to hold back their fears and jealousies .He should learn to close one eye or 'hear no evil, see no evil and talk no evil,' to have a happy and long lasting relationship.

Being young and inexperience, the guy will flop and disappoint her. Guys the  same age as her will most often fail her high expectations and the romance would break up  after some time.

She may not aim for a a very rich man but she would be looking for a man who is some where on the same financial level or above her. If they cannot catch a big fish then prawns will do.

She wants all his love, his time and his money.Many men will have to juggle all those three and he will not be able to satisfy her.

Many men will not find a right partner because of the high criteria and they are looking for Vietnamese brides who are just too happy to marry any good men as long as they are able to provide them a decent living.




Reference and thanks to :-

http://tnp.sg/news/story/0,4136,174391,00.html?

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Should You Stay or Should You leave...?

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"Love

does not consist

in gazing at

each other
but in looking
together

in the same

direction."
- Antoine De Saint-Exupéry

Should you leave your husband if he restarted his affairs again?

Once bitten twice shy. If he rekindles the affairs a second time with her or with another new girl, then it is time to leave. There is no more hope in that marriage.

Do not live in your dream world because your trust and love has been trampled on like pearls before swines. He does not know how to appreciate you nor understand what love is all about .

Nothing will change for the better , it will only get from bad to worse and you will get more depressed. and maybe ulcers in your stomach. You can forgive once but not a second time .

For to do that would be like a sheep trusting the wolf. He will go on from one affair to another affair or he could be a serial player.

Why settle for someone whose heart is not there for you but some where else ?

Physically near but yet the heart is not there. The love is gone and the house without love is like a cold and dreary morgue.

You cannot find happiness in this type of environment. The best course of actions is to leave to save yourself from more disasters. Counseling and more talks will not help resolve the problems.

The only answer is to leave him and start your own life again. Let him go and allow him the freedom to do whatever he likes. You cannot hold a man down nor use the children to tie him to you.

It is better to be alone and happy than to be together but sad. What is the point of staying together when you cannot please each other but fight like a cat and dog everyday. It will affect the children too.

Divorce is the only answer and that is my personal views. When it costs more to repair a ship, it is time to get a new ship. Prepare yourself to leave the sinking ship or you would be dragged down to the abyss in the cold and icy waters like the Titanic.

Special thanks to :-http://www.mandarindesign.com/


Reference and thanks to :-

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1047482/Should-I-stay-I-A-cheated-wifes-plight-responding-thousands-.html

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Same Sex Marriage

"In newly disclosed letters, Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams writes that the Bible doesn't forbid same sex relationships when there is a commitment similar to traditional marriages, a British newspaper reported Thursday."

They is no mention about this in the Bible and it is a grey area. As a result there are controversies regarding this gay marriage. The church is split into two camps. I can only speak for myself as an individual .

I believe that everyone of us will have to decide whether you can accept gay marriages or not.If some one believed it is against the Bible , let him believed it .

We cannot tell him or say that he is wrong. Many Christians may interpret the Bible and believed what they think it is right.

We know from the historical perspective that sometimes our beliefs may have been wrong for ages until some one pointed it out to us.

There is this possibility that we maybe wrong and we should keep an open mind about our beliefs. We should not be rigid about what we have learnt.

Whatever your beliefs, one would respect other's beliefs and will leave you alone and will neither judge you nor condemn you.

As an individual , it is easier to belief what we want but as a church , the leader will have to decide the right course of action. Whatever actions those leaders take, it will not please everyone

Religion is to teach and make us a better person .If religion is abused and twisted to one's belief , then it is wrong.

We cannot feel that we are the chosen ones and all the others who do not believe the same will go to Hell .

In certain countries, religion is used as a control on the masses by those in power.

Gay or not gay , that is your decision. Right or wrong ,it is between you and God .Who am I to judge you for your sexual preferences?

It may not be the gay issue alone but could be many theological issues which can divide the believers.

If you are not gay , you cannot pretend to be a gay . It would be repulsive and offensive to you. You cannot pretend to be one.

Do you really understand why they are gay ?

How dare you who are not gay simply condemn them because you believed what some one told you according to the Bible.

Why do you swallow hook ,line and sinker and not use your brain to think. What if someone condemned you as a religious freak? Are you not ?

If you do not have love for your fellow mankind, then you do not have God in your heart. You are not worshiping God but the devil in disguis

Christians should not force the Bible down other's throat or bang on their heads. That is not the right way.

Condemning others is also wrong. What makes them think that they are right and others are wrong? Did God make them your custodian of your soul?

Even if you are right by quoting Bible verses but if you have no love , you are just like an empty gong. All talk but no actions. Faith without works is dead.

This world is full of self righteous and holier than thou people and you can meet them everywhere. Religious freaks or nuts or extremist or fanatics come to the mind.

Reference and thanks to

:-http://english.pravda.ru/news/society/07-08-2008/106023-same_sex-0

Make Love Not War

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A Bizarre Love Story !

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"I can let go,
I can forgive,
I can move on,
but I will never stop loving you."

from,
( http://www.lovefatedestiny.com/ )

Her married Chinese lover from China made a pact with her to die together by drowning but at the last minute , she had second thoughts and lived but unfortunately for her, her lover was gone. His wife which he left in China did not agree to a divorce unless he buys her a house but he could not afford it. Her terms for a divorce caused her to lose everything. It would have been better if she just let him go and he would still be alive today. Their fate and destiny was not meant to be on the same path. He could not get a divorce from his estranged wife back home and the lover did not want to cohabit with him. He saw no way out of his predicament and thought of death as an escape from the problems of this world. If only he had more patience and let time to solve his problems. and not seek an instant answer. Why is love so sweet and  sometimes so bitter? It is very sad that he has to end his life this way. Even the love for his chidren could not prevent him from leaving them. Now that he is gone , she insisted on holding a ghost wedding with her dead boyfriend in Vietnam। Her lover may be dead, but Miss Dang Thi Tho still wants to marry him. In some Asian cultures especially the Chinese people, they believed that holding a wedding in the temple to solemnize the wedding will give them the legitimacy of the marriage in this world and in the underworld. The Chinese people believed that the deceased lived in a parallel world unseen by them।

Sometimes , those dead can come back and contact their parents through a seance or a temple medium . You may not believe it but I happened to experience a real event in my family. I had a little brother who passed away when he was 9 months old. When he was 18years old, he met a girl in his underworld and wanted to get married to her. He had to come back to the real world to get the blessings from his parents before he could marry down there. Perhaps , it may be one of the preconditions down there. He came back in the spirit to contact our mother in her dream and my mom was restless and did not know why until she visited a seance who told her the true story. The seance went into a trance and his spirit manifested through the seance's body. It is hard to believe this tale and you may think this is all a fake. The spirit through the seance spoke that he wanted to marry a girl and wanted my mom to hold a ghost wedding in the temple. He gave her the name of that girl and her address. The girl died in a traffic accident sometime ago. With that information , my mom went searching for that girl and found it exactly as had been told by the seance . She told the deceased girl's parent about this story and they agreed to have the wedding. After the ceremony was performed at the temple , my mom had peace in her heart and her life became normal again. There is life after death. You can choose not to believe it. It is up to you. It may not be in Ripley's believe it or not but it was a supernatural occurrence. There is no doubt about that.

Related topic;-
True Love Story

Reference and thanks to ;-

http://tnp.sg/news/story/0,4136,172669,00.html?

MAY YOU HAVE
P
E
A
C
E
AND
L
O
V
E
ALWAYS !

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Inside A Man's Mind

A man can fall in love when he sees a very beautiful girl .They can be instantly attracted to the beautiful girl and presumed that they are falling in love with her. It may not be love but lust or just purely sexual attractions .

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.A thing of beauty is a joy forever. Every girl is beautiful whether externally or innate.They become ugly only because of the treatment by the unkind and unappreciative man.When a girl marries , she will be at the height of her beauty .


Even any plain Jane can be the queen for the day.Many a time , you attend your friends wedding and see his bride is so radiant and asked why you never noticed her before.

Even if a man were to marry a very beautiful woman as his wife and if he does not know how to treat her , she would looked unhappy and will be sad and joyless.

How the man treats his wife is very important and you will know when you see the wife’s countenance or face. Their face will tell a lot of stories.

You can talk about a woman’s qualities or what you want to looked for in a wife or husband but in a man , beauty supersedes all..!!!

If she has beauty, he will overlooked all her other qualities. He is struck and awed by the love of her beauty and he will want her .”I came ,I saw and I conquered!!”

Whether she will make a good wife or not is immaterial to him. It is only when he see’s another more beautiful woman that he starts to find fault with her and compares them.

Woman should take good care of their external and internal beauty. Her beauty is the strongest attributes in the eyes of man,what good qualities she possessed is only secondary…..

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